Ya know…it’s funny how we love our sports teams names. I mean, in Carolina…when the NFL team makes a first down…a loud RRRROOOAARRRR comes from the PA. There are fans who dress up with whiskers.…black and blue bodies...etc. It happens all over the NFL. It is even funnier when the team has a stupid name.
Recently, the Anaheim Angels changed their name to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Huh? What?? Why not the “California Angels of Anaheim just outside of Los Angeles”??? Huh? That got me thinking about other names that get under my skin. So, here is my own personal list of dumb pro sports names. And….no….I’m not getting into the Native American Mascot debate. I’ve done that before. Neither am I going into the whole “there’s no Jazz in Utah” or “Lakers in Los Angeles” debates. Enjoy
MIGHTY DUCKS OF ANAHEIM. Kids, there used to be this thing called the “NHL”….and they played this sport called “hockey”…[it used to be on ESPN2 where now the movies “3” and “Tilt” play constantly]. The name ‘mighty ducks’ comes from the Disney kids hockey movie. So why not name the team that. Fine…the Anaheim Mighty Ducks. Oh no! Let’s flip it on ‘em and say the “Mighty Ducks of Anaheim”….as opposed to the rival gang of Mighty Ducks of Albuquerque. Anaheim….get over yourselves.
SHORTENING HOCKEY NAMES. Why does hockey do this?? Yeah, many teams can shorten their name. The Yanks, Wolves, Skins, D-Backs, G-men, M’s, O’s, A’s, etc are okay usually. The Sox, Jays, Sonics, Blazers, Wings, Jackets all shorten two word names. But what the heck is the Ning, Sens, Preds, Pens, Yotes and Aves?? Or Thrash, Habs and Isles. And it isn’t just hockey. The Nuggs, Stros, Phins, Grizz. Please….stop it. Just say the extra freaking syllable so we can all go on with our lives.
NEW JERSEY NETS. C'mon. You used to be the "Americans". That is much better than "nets". I mean, a piece of equipment used in the game?? What is that?? No "bats" in MLB...or "Uprights" in the NFL or "penalty box" in the NHL.....so no NETS!!
HOUSTON TEXANS. It is 2002.…and you get a new NFL franchise. So name that team….after the state you live in?? What is that?? I mean, you gotta love the gall of the citizens of Texas to actually think that people from the state are ferocious mascots. The Texans. Or the Miami Floridians [which was an ABA team]. I can take the name being from the state nickname [Cornhuskers, Hoosiers, Tar Heels]…..but the Nebraskans, Indianans or Carolinians?? Nope. Let them take the Oilers back….or the Steers, which adorns their helmets.
TORONTO RAPTORS. That name is soooooo 1994. I mean, I guess some dinosaur bones were found somewhere in Canada….or something. Look, the “raptor” was cool to kids because dinosaurs were the fad and JURASSIC PARK was the biggest movie of the time. Hey, Raptors and Mighty Ducks….STOP naming your teams after movies.
GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS. In my later years, I’ve understood the concept of having regional names. So everyone around has the feel that it is their team. The New England Patriots can beloved in Hartford, Montpelier, Boston and Foxboro. The Carolina Panthers are loved in both North and South Carolina. Even the Florida Marlins/Panthers get a break there too [since both were the states original teams in those sports]. Minnesota, Utah and Indiana no the state name thing…and that is fine. The Tennessee Titans have an excuse since they’ve played their games all over Tennessee, it seems. But Golden State?? There are already THREE other teams in California….and I’d bet that all of them have a better claim to being called the “Golden State’s team”. Well, maybe not the Clippers. I mean, I know you mean well….but I’d much rather hear the Bay Area Warriors or even the “Warriors of the Golden State” instead of that garbage.
WNBA TEAM NAMES. Of course, this coming from a guy named “Sportz”. Okay…I can deal with the Magic, Wild, Heat, Lightning and Avalanche…..sort of. But those WNBA team names kill me. Sting, Sun, Storm, Liberty, Shock, Fever, Lynx and Mercury can all retire.
MLS NAMES. This isn’t Europe…this is the ol’ USA. So don’t name your team MetroStars, FC Dallas or DC United. My favorite is Real Salt Lake. Classic!!!
UTAH TEAM NAMES. Real Salt Lake. Utah Jazz. Utah Starzz. Salt Lake Buzz. Kill the ZZ’s guys.
MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL. I will say this up front. They have some dumb names…stupider logos…and ridiculous hats. But, it works. The wilder the hat….the more known your team is and the sales go up! I’m from North Carolina…and I think we are the kings of those dumb names. The Hickory Crawdads. Winston-Salem Warthogs, Greensboro Grasshoppers. Kannapolis Intimidators, Carolina Mudcats, Asheville Tourists, Here is the greatest hits list….enjoy: Aberdeen IronBirds, Albuquerque Isotopes, Auburn DoubleDays, Batavia Muckdogs, Beloit Snappers, Brevard County Manatees, Chattanooga Lookouts, Columbus Catfish, Corpus Christi Hooks, Everett Aqua Sox, Idaho Falls Chukars, Inland Empire 66ers of San Bernardino, Lakewood BlueClaws, Lancaster JetHawks, Lansing Lugnuts, Las Vegas 51s, Mahoning Valley Scrappers, Missoula Osprey, Montgomery Biscuits, Myrtle Beach Pelicans, New Britain Rock Cats, New Hampshire Fisher Cats, Portland Sea Dogs, Puebla Parrots, Toledo Mud Hens, Tucson Sidewinders, Tulsa Drillers, West Virginia Power, Williamsport Crosscutters and Wilmington Blue Rocks.